It’s day 24 of training camp here in Gainsville, GA. I honestly can’t believe that it’s been that long. It feels like I’ve been here for 8 years and 3 hours all at the same time; it’s been quite a whirlwind, to say the least.
Every weekday starts with quiet time with the Father, breakfast, scheduled Devotional time, and then a session/ teaching. These sessions cover a variety of topics and we have a few every day. This is where real training and learning come into play. This is what we came here for! The amazing speakers that Adventures in Missions provides for us are INCREDIBLE! They teach so many things like different cultural lenses, shame and honor, or the history of missions. Today, I want to share a story about how a session about healing changed my life.
This day started like any other. I went through my routine and went to a session at 10 am like we always do. This one would be about healing. In the past, I knew healing and miracles were real and could happen today, but I had a hard time believing that something like that could happen in front of me. It seemed like legends from the field that of course, I wanted to witness, but somehow so outlandish that I would never experience one on my own. The moral of the session was that yes, the Lord is willing and able to perform miracles and radicle healings. I thought “Yes! So true! The Lord can!…” but I still was feeling so doubt of something. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.
When the speaker had said the words I had feared, my heart began to race. She invited anyone in need of healing to raise their hands to be prayed over. Looking at me or even talking to me, you could assume that I don’t really fit into that box. But the truth is, I was in need of healing and I didn’t even know it.
For some context, I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes (T1D) in 2015 when I was just 12 years old. It’s been something I’ve struggled with since that day. Yes, the constant management of this disease, the shots, the high and low blood sugars, and the unpredictability of this disease weighs heavy on anyone with T1D, but the (in my opinion) bigger toll is the mental one. For years, I suffered in silence over the difficulties I faced, about the insecurities it brought out, and how I felt my worth had changed because of having T1D. All of these lies, of course, but every day for the past 6 years, they ran rapid through my brain and I felt ashamed to talk about it. So I didn’t. I never spoke up about the insecurities and the toll that diabetes took on my mental health and self-image.
Back to the session-
My heart raced. I’m not one to ask for prayer. I know that comes from a place of pride. A lot of my issues also root in pride. But I know I heard the Lord speak into me, “raise your hand”. I didn’t want to. I really didn’t want to. Raising my hand meant accepting that I did need healing in some sort of capacity and I wasn’t ready to admit that to my peers. But alas, I did. Two of my closest friends, EmmaLea and Abbi, came to me, Emmalea. I told them how I felt and how I wanted to be healed from this disease and they laid hands on me and prayed. I felt loved and seen at that moment, but not healed. After that prayer, the speaker asked again, “if anyone needs healing, raise your hand to be prayer over”. I didn’t want to, but again I raised my hand. More people came to pray. Some were my teammates or leaders, some were people I didn’t know. Once again, I admitted the hurt and shame I felt and asked for healing. They laid hands and prayed. This time felt different. Halfway through the prayer, I felt my head being lifted up and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. Not in a painful way though. And then I started to gasp for air, again, not painfully, but so beautifully. It felt cold and pure. It really felt like new air. I hadn’t had a deep breath in years but suddenly I felt like I really had a new pair of lungs, breathing in the father, all of his goodness, and all of the things He thinks of me instead of all the lies I had been told by the enemy of my worthiness. I cried. This felt so good.
The prayer ended and once again, the same question was asked, and the Lord still told me to raise my hand. One girl approached me from another squad along with a few more of my friends. I explained and asked for prayer again. After they finished praying, the girl said to me that she felt cleansing over me and saw holy water and renewal. She then revealed that she had just prayed over her other squadmate, Jules, who also had T1D, but didn’t know that I had been asking for the same healing that Jules had. She asked if we could pray over the both of us. Jules and I held each other tight and quite a big group wept and prayed right alongside us. And then, I felt the Lord calling me to ask for prayer one more time, but this time in front of everyone in the room. This of course meant exposing myself and my insecurities to 130+ people, many of who I don’t know. So I went. I didn’t want to, but that day I chose to walk in obedience so I listened. I told everyone everything and I said “I’m not sure why I’m doing this, but the Lord called on me. This is not like me to share this with anyone let alone a big group like this. ” So once again, everyone laid hands and prayed. This was so humbling to ask for prayer. I had to but what the devil said about me beside and rely on what the Lord said I was.
Now, I knew in my heart that the Lord wouldn’t take this disease away on that day. It’s not that he can’t or won’t (I still pray He would), but that’s not what I needed healing from; I needed my mind healed and He delivered. I’m ecstatic to say that the darkness has no hold on me, Jesus broke those chains. I know what my God says about me and how my worth has not changed because of this disease. The Lord healed my mind from years of damage on that day and I live out that freedom, shackles on the ground. Praise Jesus, my Father heals!!!!!
So there’s my encounter with healing. It wasn’t being raised from the dead or a broken bone being healed before my eyes, but that doesn’t discount it even in the slightest. This is healing. The Lord moved on that day, not just in me, but in so many others. The Lord moves today. The Lord will continue to move. I’m just so grateful to know our sweet Father, the one who heals our bodies AND minds. 🙂
I have never met you Sarah but I now know your heart. What a beautiful soul you are! I am celebrating your healing with you! Please pray for my grandson, Drew, who is 21. He was just diagnosed with type 1 diabetes in December. You gave me a lot of insight as to what he might be dealing with mentally. I will continue to pray for you as you continue to do Kingdom Work!
this is truly beautiful. sarah, what an honor and blessing it is to do life with you. the Father is doing such beautiful things in and through you. i love you