I often find myself imagining a scenario in which someone will ask me “Why on earth would you put your life on hold for nine months to go 3rd world countries with 30 strangers?” and I’d have the most beautiful response about how I’ve always wanted to do this or something else profound. But the real answer is a bit different. I didn’t always picture myself leaving my hometown straight into the unknown. Actually, for a long time, I really wanted to study medicine for similar reasons that I want to go on the race; I wanted to help people. At that time in my life, I was confident that was my path, college, med school, residency, and then practicing full time. But as most “plans” go, something changed. I’m not really sure what exact moment changed for me, but I eventually came to the conclusion that 8 extra years of school and $200,000 in student loans probably wasn’t for me, but that desire to impact other people remained the same.
So what am I gonna do now?
As my peers talked about colleges and majors, I stood still. I really don’t know what I want to do after high school. There are countless options and a lot of pressure that everyone expects 17-year-olds to make that would impact their lives forever. But a lot changed in me over the past 4 years in high school. For starters, I really began my relationship with Jesus. In years past, it was superficial, not deep, just me saying “Oh yeah, I am a Christian, I go to church…” and that was pretty much it. I really made a shift when I started choosing Jesus for me, not to look or be thought of in a certain light. Once I did that, I wanted to be at church, I wanted to have a real relationship with God, I wanted to be different. One big turning point for me was during my freshman year, I decided to go on the annual student mission trip to Fond Blanc, Haiti.
I really left Haiti with a changed view of how I wanted to live. Probably the most influential thing I took with me was the endless joy. It seems cliche, but it’s true. I’ve only experienced a type of joy like I did here. They really just love the Lord. That’s it. Amongst the poverty, these people were on fire for the Lord. Sure we may have done work and helped them, but they helped and inspired me way more than I could have ever done for them.
Since then, I’ve also been to Guatemala with my church and experienced the same joy, but this time, our group was going out into the community and hearing experiences and sharing the gospel. Hearing stories of radical faith and how sharing the love of Jesus can really change someone changed my idea of missions once again.
After this trip, I knew I needed something more. There was more work to do, more people to reach and tell them about this radical, beautiful love that they have from the creator of the universe.
A phrase that’s come up a lot when I talk about spreading God’s love is “When you’re so on fire for the Lord, sharing that love is pretty much the only thing you want to do”. And it’s true, for me at least. I get to experience this out-of-this-world love even though I’m completely undeserving and will never deserve it no matter how many “good things” I do. Of course, I want everyone to know !! that’s the best thing ever!
So whatever it takes to show that love, I’m ready and willing to do. Right now, I think this is a way for me to do that.
So, to finally answer the question, “How did I get here, how did I come to this choice, why on earth am I doing this?”
It’s because EVERYONE deserves to know they’re loved. They should know that regardless of your past, present, or future, you are so loved and important. Especially in such a broken world, everyone should know this truth;
YOU ARE LOVED. YOU ARE VALUABLE. YOU ARE NOT DEFINED BY YOUR PAST. YOU ARE IMPORTANT.
Jesus loved me first and because of that, I want everyone else to know that same love.
Jesus loves me where I am. A broken sinner. Not deserving of any love or forgiveness. Yet, he loved me first.
He loved me first.
That’s my why.
